Think for a moment about those relationships in your life that mean the most to you. They would I think involve one on one time spent face to face with each other. I sometimes wonder with email the internet texting we may be losing by our own choices the opportunities to develop the most meaningful of relationships. Are we forsaking true human interaction? Gone are the days of neighborhoods with front porches and kids riding bikes to friends houses. Cars pull into garages and the door closes behind us.
Don't get me wrong technology is great! For example I love Flickr! There are some amazing artists out there! They create some beautiful works of art through their photography. I used to have a blog in which for 3 years I never missed posting one day and believe it or not learned a lot about life. I learned I was not the only person with problems and at the same time realized I had a gift or two myself. But I think we need to make sure we're not so connected to EVERYTHING out there that we miss the chance to be quite and connect with the people directly in front of us. It's those real life relationships that the power of our personal influence can have a life changing long lasting impact.
Last night as I was driving I was thinking as the world went past. OMG! That's dangerous!! I wondered if at 2 o'clock in the afternoon on any given day if any of the 6 or 7 billion people in the world were thinking " I wish trucker steve were here just because I'd like to see his smile."
I've spent the day thinking about my own life. Been looking in the mirror if you will. I have to admit there are some things I see I do not like. For the first time in my life I am learning who I REALLY am. For example my communication skills SUCK! I am a terrible listener. I am very bad when it comes to others feelings. I have to work on putting others feelings ahead of mine. I think they would call me selfish. Others do matter and putting them first is a huge part of being an uncommon man. I am a dreamer always have been but I have learned that it's best to keep most of those dreams to yourself. I have learned there are some people that really don't give a shit about me and I am at total peace with that. I have learned that what other people think about me is really none of my business. It's what takes the sting out of them not giving a shit! LOL
My mom went to her aunts funeral this week. From that generation there is only one family member left. Her uncle is in his 90's He was there with his new girl friend. She is in her 60's!! He is leaving next week to take her on the first cruise he has ever been on. I LOVE IT!! What's not to like about that?! What nuts is his kids are concerned about this "younger girl"!! WHY WHY WHY??!!!!
It's been a long day and that bottle of wine I bought today. Damn it was good! Love Seether! Check out the video over there! And!!! They are coming to Big D!!!
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Friday, January 30, 2009
It's Friday.
I'm just sitting here in a blah kind of daze. Not much to say so I'll just say have a good weekend.
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UPDATE!!
After my nice 3 hours of sleep LOL!! I do have something to do!! I made a paper airplane!!
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UPDATE!!
After my nice 3 hours of sleep LOL!! I do have something to do!! I made a paper airplane!!
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
The Cruise
Tiffany Chatman and Alan Allan first met aboard the SS Dreamscape on the first night of a 7 day trip which was advertised as "A trip to new beginnings" Both had thought that's just what I need to get out of this terrible funk I find myself in.
Alan was 45 years old. He had recently divorced his wife and was trying to find himself in a world in which since 22 he'd had very little social contact. He was a tax accountant for a large oil and gas company and had wrapped himself up in his work for years. He'd been a wonderful father to his two children but his wife was a pilot and she was never home always on routes that took her to far away lands. When she was home they really had very little in common any longer. They never spoke unless it was about the children or something Alan hadn't done and it had been months since they made love.
Tiffany was a beautiful 34 year old from a small town in the Texas panhandle. She'd lived there all of her life. She was a cheer leader in high school and college and had married the star of the high school rodeo team who's father owned one of the largest ranches in the state. During her 6 year marriage her husband had treated her like hell. She was nothing more than a maid and cook. One day she knew she could take no more of the abuse when Earl came in from the feed lot stinking like a heard of cows barking out commands like a drill sergeant. Tiffany knew this was going to be her life from now on walked out and has never looked back.
As it happens Tiffany and Alan had gone to one of the bars on the ship the first night of the cruise. She saw Alan from across the room sitting alone and thought he was a very attractive man to be by himself. She saw he really was alone picked up her Jack and Coke walked over and asked if she could sit down. When Alan looked up to see who was speaking and saw how gorgeous Tiffany was he almost chocked on his gin and tonic. He stood up and said "sure please do I'm Alan" She said "hello Alan I'm Tiffany are you with someone?" Alan told her he wasn't pulled the chair out for her and they sat down.
To be continued LOL!!
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Conflict
I am really trying hard to be a better person in each aspect of my life. At 48 I can look back and see many mistakes I have made. Instead of saying "Man I wish I had only........" I am trying to take an honest look in the mirror and improve on what I need to improve on. One of the areas I need to work on is conflict. I do not think I should relish it but I should not fear it either. It's something I always just avoided like the plague. I mean lets face it is not pleasant most of the time. I have know people that love the stress of it. Not Trucker Steve but I do have to understand there will be conflict in any real relationship.
I think the way I should look at it is as a way to understand our differences. It's not a personal attack. If it becomes that I should not get all pissed off and scream and yell but get back on track. I have to understand it's not some attack on me. It's a difference. If the world always looked at things in the same way it would be boring! There is a time for name calling for sure!! A personal conflict is not one of those times. That would be at say a Texas vs OU game! Nothing like sitting at a Texas OU game screaming "OU sucks!!" Screaming at someone you love is a huge mistake. Listen Steve listen!.
Listening it seems is THE key to understanding the conflict. I am trying so hard to LISTEN.
I started this blog back up not to use it only as a place to air out my dirty laundry how unproductive would that be but rather get some honest feed back.I have thick skin so where I am wrong please let me know. To try to learn from others and what their world is like. I know a couple of years ago when I blogged I had some really good people that read and with time I hope to hear as well.
The two had been the best of friends for years. They were college room mates pledged the same sorority dated the same guys. After graduation from college they went to work at the same ad agency. Both ladies climbed the ladder at a stellar pace then one day it happened. One got the big promotion the other wanted and their relationship was never the same. As they waited on a cab to return to the hotel it was obvious it never would be again.
I think the way I should look at it is as a way to understand our differences. It's not a personal attack. If it becomes that I should not get all pissed off and scream and yell but get back on track. I have to understand it's not some attack on me. It's a difference. If the world always looked at things in the same way it would be boring! There is a time for name calling for sure!! A personal conflict is not one of those times. That would be at say a Texas vs OU game! Nothing like sitting at a Texas OU game screaming "OU sucks!!" Screaming at someone you love is a huge mistake. Listen Steve listen!.
Listening it seems is THE key to understanding the conflict. I am trying so hard to LISTEN.
I started this blog back up not to use it only as a place to air out my dirty laundry how unproductive would that be but rather get some honest feed back.I have thick skin so where I am wrong please let me know. To try to learn from others and what their world is like. I know a couple of years ago when I blogged I had some really good people that read and with time I hope to hear as well.
The two had been the best of friends for years. They were college room mates pledged the same sorority dated the same guys. After graduation from college they went to work at the same ad agency. Both ladies climbed the ladder at a stellar pace then one day it happened. One got the big promotion the other wanted and their relationship was never the same. As they waited on a cab to return to the hotel it was obvious it never would be again.
Respect
What exactly is respect? The dictionary defines it like this. As a noun: a feeling of deep admiration for someone or something elicited by their abilities, qualities, or achievements : the director had a lot of respect for Douglas as an actor.
• the state of being admired in such a way : his first chance in over fifteen years to regain respect in the business.
• due regard for the feelings, wishes, rights, or traditions of others : respect for human rights.
• ( respects) a person's polite greetings : give my respects to your parents.
As a parent I always taught each of the children to be respectful of others. Respect adults for example. Respect your teacher at school. Respect someone who has a difference of opinion. Respect the law even when you do not agree. My parents always taught me to be respectful of others. It seems like for me the lesson has always been a good one and I am glad I had parents that cared enough for me to raise me like that. For that reason I tried to teach of of you children the same thing.
In the last year and a half since I moved out I have learned many times I flopped with 3 of you. You have so many times treated me like dirt. I have felt like scum. A leach. You have slapped me right in the face. Trust me it stings.
Want some examples? Oh I know this blog will get back to you no question. Hey if a blog that never had my name on it never had not a picture one on it and was under a totally different email address can get back to you Ha! This one damn sure will. I am hiding no longer or for that matter hiding who I REALLY want to be with. You were each taught that when someone calls on your phone if you know them at least acknowledge that you got the call even if you cannot talk at the time. Same way with a text message. At least say I am busy right now instead of total silence. Kids trust me that speaks volumes. I feel like such an idiot the way I have done. I have literally sent 1000s of unanswered text messages. By the way yep is not an answer followed by nothing but silence. Oh I have sent countless emails as well with no response. Here is what that is saying to the dad that gave each of you EVERYTHING you needed and didn't need but wanted. Dad we want no part of you at all. As your grandfather said you ran off and therefore left us so dad just stay the hell away. One of you came to see me at Christmas. I have to wonder why? I have not heard one word from you since you left the day after. Not a phone call. Not a text message NOTHING! I am tired of being treated like dirt! Son I will give you the advise I gave your brother just this past week. You need to learn now to open your mouth. Notice I did not say do not be unrespectful . I have a question for you. Why would I come to any of your ball games next year? You dont want to see me so why should I go? Until you step up and be a young man why should I bother. I'm not. To the one getting married this summer. I told you more than 6 months ahead of time I am not coming to the wedding. It's YOUR day and I do not want to be a distraction. I not coming because you made it crystal clear how you feel about someone I love so much. How can you say that? You have never even met the lady! Oh you have no doubt seen pictures or read some blog post. I first met her through that blog. If I had judged her from the first post I read I would never had read another post but I did not. See she is not just who you see there. She is very much not all that person but in a wonderful way so much more. She is an amazing mother to her son. He is VERY lucky to have her as his mother! Several people it seems have judged her from that and they do not have a damn clue who she really is. That is ashamed! Is one of the lessons you were taught in church DO NOT JUDGE? I see you did not learn that one. Oh yeah the church can't open their mouth without sticking their foot in it either! They are the biggest judges of all!
I guess the thing that hurts me the most is none of you stand up and defend your dad. When you hear some parrot (someone who repeats everything they hear) make a statement like if your dad would stop giving all his money to ___ he could buy you some shoes. They have NEVER met me! They do not have a clue who I am! It would be nice if ONE time one of you would say wait a minute!! You do not know my dad! How can you say that! Then just walk out. Leave! No you stand there and do not say a thing and by that you in essence are agreeing with them.
Respect is wanting your parents BOTH OF THEM to be happy. See your mom and I are both your parents. Do you know even I know how to change a diaper? I changed many of them over the years. Oh there is no question when you were small she spent the most time with you while I made a living to pay for all the things you got to do but that was all a part of raising a family.
You tell me oh dad we miss you so much. Excuse me?!!!! I am not buying that line! You know right where I am. You have my phone number and I think each of you has been to my house now. No, you do not miss me. You do not want me in your life because I have chosen to be happy.
Let me tell you what happy is. Happy is being with a person that really wants to do things with me. Happy is a person that will get in the car ride 100 miles west of town to just stop in a town that has 2 people living there to look around and eat lunch just because I said come on lets take a ride 100 miles west of town. I ate the first and only buffalo burger I have ever had that day! It was great! It's a day I will never forget for the rest of my life. Do you know why? Because she did not have to go she wanted to. It's a lady that goes to see her mom and when she gets to Austin makes the effort to buy one of you a tee shirt just because she likes you. Yeah she really does like you and you still ignore her. I have a Texas shirt in my closet right now that she bought one of you for Christmas A FREAK-IN YEAR AGO and she had never even met you!! She did it because she loves me and wanted you to have it!! Screw it the shirt is awesome and I am going to wear it this spring!! If you kids had acted like you were taught you would have given her a chance and I promise you would have been glad you did. Not for the gifts she gives but for the fact that she makes your father the most happy man in the world. That kids is what you were taught I am sorry you have chosen not to live by it. The church told you and me that my happiness did not matter to God. How stupid a statement is that? How happy they asked will you be when you loose your children. I have news for you church! It's obvious by their actions I never REALLY had them so take your righteous bull crap and tell to someone else!
I do want to say to one of you thank you! Thank you from the bottom of my heart! You are an amazing young lady who shows her dad each and every day how much you love and RESPECT me! You are the only adult of the group. You have welcomed the lady in my life with open arms and trust me she LOVES you for that! She wants nothing but the best for you and she is so happy to know you!
Respect also means asking for forgiveness. You see some of what you have done I did to over the Christmas break. I ignored the ONE PERSON that truly makes me happy and I LOVE like crazy! Because I tried one more time to hold on to something I did not have I hurt the one person I would never on purpose hurt. It's effecting me in ways you will never know kids. I have asked for forgiveness. She has forgiven me for that and I will be grateful for the rest of my life.
• the state of being admired in such a way : his first chance in over fifteen years to regain respect in the business.
• due regard for the feelings, wishes, rights, or traditions of others : respect for human rights.
• ( respects) a person's polite greetings : give my respects to your parents.
As a parent I always taught each of the children to be respectful of others. Respect adults for example. Respect your teacher at school. Respect someone who has a difference of opinion. Respect the law even when you do not agree. My parents always taught me to be respectful of others. It seems like for me the lesson has always been a good one and I am glad I had parents that cared enough for me to raise me like that. For that reason I tried to teach of of you children the same thing.
In the last year and a half since I moved out I have learned many times I flopped with 3 of you. You have so many times treated me like dirt. I have felt like scum. A leach. You have slapped me right in the face. Trust me it stings.
Want some examples? Oh I know this blog will get back to you no question. Hey if a blog that never had my name on it never had not a picture one on it and was under a totally different email address can get back to you Ha! This one damn sure will. I am hiding no longer or for that matter hiding who I REALLY want to be with. You were each taught that when someone calls on your phone if you know them at least acknowledge that you got the call even if you cannot talk at the time. Same way with a text message. At least say I am busy right now instead of total silence. Kids trust me that speaks volumes. I feel like such an idiot the way I have done. I have literally sent 1000s of unanswered text messages. By the way yep is not an answer followed by nothing but silence. Oh I have sent countless emails as well with no response. Here is what that is saying to the dad that gave each of you EVERYTHING you needed and didn't need but wanted. Dad we want no part of you at all. As your grandfather said you ran off and therefore left us so dad just stay the hell away. One of you came to see me at Christmas. I have to wonder why? I have not heard one word from you since you left the day after. Not a phone call. Not a text message NOTHING! I am tired of being treated like dirt! Son I will give you the advise I gave your brother just this past week. You need to learn now to open your mouth. Notice I did not say do not be unrespectful . I have a question for you. Why would I come to any of your ball games next year? You dont want to see me so why should I go? Until you step up and be a young man why should I bother. I'm not. To the one getting married this summer. I told you more than 6 months ahead of time I am not coming to the wedding. It's YOUR day and I do not want to be a distraction. I not coming because you made it crystal clear how you feel about someone I love so much. How can you say that? You have never even met the lady! Oh you have no doubt seen pictures or read some blog post. I first met her through that blog. If I had judged her from the first post I read I would never had read another post but I did not. See she is not just who you see there. She is very much not all that person but in a wonderful way so much more. She is an amazing mother to her son. He is VERY lucky to have her as his mother! Several people it seems have judged her from that and they do not have a damn clue who she really is. That is ashamed! Is one of the lessons you were taught in church DO NOT JUDGE? I see you did not learn that one. Oh yeah the church can't open their mouth without sticking their foot in it either! They are the biggest judges of all!
I guess the thing that hurts me the most is none of you stand up and defend your dad. When you hear some parrot (someone who repeats everything they hear) make a statement like if your dad would stop giving all his money to ___ he could buy you some shoes. They have NEVER met me! They do not have a clue who I am! It would be nice if ONE time one of you would say wait a minute!! You do not know my dad! How can you say that! Then just walk out. Leave! No you stand there and do not say a thing and by that you in essence are agreeing with them.
Respect is wanting your parents BOTH OF THEM to be happy. See your mom and I are both your parents. Do you know even I know how to change a diaper? I changed many of them over the years. Oh there is no question when you were small she spent the most time with you while I made a living to pay for all the things you got to do but that was all a part of raising a family.
You tell me oh dad we miss you so much. Excuse me?!!!! I am not buying that line! You know right where I am. You have my phone number and I think each of you has been to my house now. No, you do not miss me. You do not want me in your life because I have chosen to be happy.
Let me tell you what happy is. Happy is being with a person that really wants to do things with me. Happy is a person that will get in the car ride 100 miles west of town to just stop in a town that has 2 people living there to look around and eat lunch just because I said come on lets take a ride 100 miles west of town. I ate the first and only buffalo burger I have ever had that day! It was great! It's a day I will never forget for the rest of my life. Do you know why? Because she did not have to go she wanted to. It's a lady that goes to see her mom and when she gets to Austin makes the effort to buy one of you a tee shirt just because she likes you. Yeah she really does like you and you still ignore her. I have a Texas shirt in my closet right now that she bought one of you for Christmas A FREAK-IN YEAR AGO and she had never even met you!! She did it because she loves me and wanted you to have it!! Screw it the shirt is awesome and I am going to wear it this spring!! If you kids had acted like you were taught you would have given her a chance and I promise you would have been glad you did. Not for the gifts she gives but for the fact that she makes your father the most happy man in the world. That kids is what you were taught I am sorry you have chosen not to live by it. The church told you and me that my happiness did not matter to God. How stupid a statement is that? How happy they asked will you be when you loose your children. I have news for you church! It's obvious by their actions I never REALLY had them so take your righteous bull crap and tell to someone else!
I do want to say to one of you thank you! Thank you from the bottom of my heart! You are an amazing young lady who shows her dad each and every day how much you love and RESPECT me! You are the only adult of the group. You have welcomed the lady in my life with open arms and trust me she LOVES you for that! She wants nothing but the best for you and she is so happy to know you!
Respect also means asking for forgiveness. You see some of what you have done I did to over the Christmas break. I ignored the ONE PERSON that truly makes me happy and I LOVE like crazy! Because I tried one more time to hold on to something I did not have I hurt the one person I would never on purpose hurt. It's effecting me in ways you will never know kids. I have asked for forgiveness. She has forgiven me for that and I will be grateful for the rest of my life.
Monday, January 26, 2009
Monday Morning Random Stuff
What do you dream about? No not serious lifetime dreams this is Monday morning come on! No like the dreams you have when you are asleep? I forget mine most of the time when I wake up. I've always wondered why that happens. I read well listened to a book about dreams one time and it said try to make an effort as you are dreaming to remember the dream and write it down. I always wondered how that worked. Sounds like work to me and people I am asleep!. The book/tape said as soon as you do wake up write it down. I tried it last night because I had a really crazy dream. I was in the cooking class with a bunch of Dr's. See the weirdness has already begun. We were going to cook seafood gumbo. I just love cajun food! For some reason were to prepare this meal at a downtown Dallas eatery. Weirdness. The Dr's and I were cooking gumbo and were each given a different part of the dish to prepare. Of all things I was assigned the roux! If you know anything about cajun soups and gumbo to me thats the most important part as well as the most difficult part to make. We were assigned our tasks and then I woke up. Thats the part that really sucks!! You ALWAYS wake up right before the good part. I do remember around 12 or 13 getting to the best part but I will save that for another day.
On a more serious note I see this morning where Caterpillar is going to lay off up to 20,000 people. This is getting ugly fast. I know in my business things have slowed way down and we took steps to try and keep people working by taking on business we do not haul most of the time in other words we took on some cheap freight where we just break even. I am very thankful for that. I do not even check my 401k anymore. This is a time as I see it where more than ever before we need to put the best and brightest minds to work regardless of political affliction. We should not give a damn who gets the credit. Good lord here I go dreaming again!
On a more serious note I see this morning where Caterpillar is going to lay off up to 20,000 people. This is getting ugly fast. I know in my business things have slowed way down and we took steps to try and keep people working by taking on business we do not haul most of the time in other words we took on some cheap freight where we just break even. I am very thankful for that. I do not even check my 401k anymore. This is a time as I see it where more than ever before we need to put the best and brightest minds to work regardless of political affliction. We should not give a damn who gets the credit. Good lord here I go dreaming again!
Saturday, January 24, 2009
Sex In The City
Tonight I watched a chick flick. Never saw one episode of it on TV. I did not know any of the actors or actress. It was an amazing story told in a funny way. Sometimes when everything goes all wrong love does win in the end.
I wake filled with thoughts of you. Your portrait and the intoxicating evening which we spent yesterday have left my senses in turmoil.
Sweet incomparable Josephine, what a strange effect you have on my heart!
Are you angry?
Do I see you looking sad? Are you worried? ...
My soul aches with sorrow, and there can be no rest for your lover; but is there still more in store for me when, yielding to the profound feelings which overwhelm me, I draw from your lips, from your heart a love which consumes me with fire? Ah! it was last night that I fully realized how false an image of you your portrait gives!
You are leaving at noon; I shall see you in three hours.
Until then, mio dolce amor, a thousand kisses; but give me none in return, for they set my blood on fire.
Bonaparte
I'm no Napoleon Bonaparte but I can say I love you.
What a cool movie!
I wake filled with thoughts of you. Your portrait and the intoxicating evening which we spent yesterday have left my senses in turmoil.
Sweet incomparable Josephine, what a strange effect you have on my heart!
Are you angry?
Do I see you looking sad? Are you worried? ...
My soul aches with sorrow, and there can be no rest for your lover; but is there still more in store for me when, yielding to the profound feelings which overwhelm me, I draw from your lips, from your heart a love which consumes me with fire? Ah! it was last night that I fully realized how false an image of you your portrait gives!
You are leaving at noon; I shall see you in three hours.
Until then, mio dolce amor, a thousand kisses; but give me none in return, for they set my blood on fire.
Bonaparte
I'm no Napoleon Bonaparte but I can say I love you.
What a cool movie!
He's Alive!
I've been thinking about bringing this thing out of the closet for some time now. I really do like putting my thoughts down and am thinking Flickr is really not the place to put my most personal thoughts. I like everyone else has an opinion and yes they are all worth about a dime a dozen LOL! I am not a writer and when I do write I've been told it's just like I talk so if that's the case I am sure it will be filled with garbled gunk from time to time but what the heck.
I had a blog a while back. I wrote in it for three years and never missed a day. Last year I deleted the whole thing. Kinda stupid now I look back on it. Some of the things I wrote about were pretty good LOL! I've made some changes in my life since then and I feel now I can share and be proud of anything I write and it never be taken the wrong way. Let's just see where this thing goes. It's now it's 4:55am. I wonder what time Starbucks opens?
I had a blog a while back. I wrote in it for three years and never missed a day. Last year I deleted the whole thing. Kinda stupid now I look back on it. Some of the things I wrote about were pretty good LOL! I've made some changes in my life since then and I feel now I can share and be proud of anything I write and it never be taken the wrong way. Let's just see where this thing goes. It's now it's 4:55am. I wonder what time Starbucks opens?
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