Respect

What exactly is respect? The dictionary defines it like this. As a noun: a feeling of deep admiration for someone or something elicited by their abilities, qualities, or achievements : the director had a lot of respect for Douglas as an actor.
• the state of being admired in such a way : his first chance in over fifteen years to regain respect in the business.
• due regard for the feelings, wishes, rights, or traditions of others : respect for human rights.
• ( respects) a person's polite greetings : give my respects to your parents.

As a parent I always taught each of the children to be respectful of others. Respect adults for example. Respect your teacher at school. Respect someone who has a difference of opinion. Respect the law even when you do not agree. My parents always taught me to be respectful of others. It seems like for me the lesson has always been a good one and I am glad I had parents that cared enough for me to raise me like that. For that reason I tried to teach of of you children the same thing.

In the last year and a half since I moved out I have learned many times I flopped with 3 of you. You have so many times treated me like dirt. I have felt like scum. A leach. You have slapped me right in the face. Trust me it stings.

Want some examples? Oh I know this blog will get back to you no question. Hey if a blog that never had my name on it never had not a picture one on it and was under a totally different email address can get back to you Ha! This one damn sure will. I am hiding no longer or for that matter hiding who I REALLY want to be with. You were each taught that when someone calls on your phone if you know them at least acknowledge that you got the call even if you cannot talk at the time. Same way with a text message. At least say I am busy right now instead of total silence. Kids trust me that speaks volumes. I feel like such an idiot the way I have done. I have literally sent 1000s of unanswered text messages. By the way yep is not an answer followed by nothing but silence. Oh I have sent countless emails as well with no response. Here is what that is saying to the dad that gave each of you EVERYTHING you needed and didn't need but wanted. Dad we want no part of you at all. As your grandfather said you ran off and therefore left us so dad just stay the hell away. One of you came to see me at Christmas. I have to wonder why? I have not heard one word from you since you left the day after. Not a phone call. Not a text message NOTHING! I am tired of being treated like dirt! Son I will give you the advise I gave your brother just this past week. You need to learn now to open your mouth. Notice I did not say do not be unrespectful . I have a question for you. Why would I come to any of your ball games next year? You dont want to see me so why should I go? Until you step up and be a young man why should I bother. I'm not. To the one getting married this summer. I told you more than 6 months ahead of time I am not coming to the wedding. It's YOUR day and I do not want to be a distraction. I not coming because you made it crystal clear how you feel about someone I love so much. How can you say that? You have never even met the lady! Oh you have no doubt seen pictures or read some blog post. I first met her through that blog. If I had judged her from the first post I read I would never had read another post but I did not. See she is not just who you see there. She is very much not all that person but in a wonderful way so much more. She is an amazing mother to her son. He is VERY lucky to have her as his mother! Several people it seems have judged her from that and they do not have a damn clue who she really is. That is ashamed! Is one of the lessons you were taught in church DO NOT JUDGE? I see you did not learn that one. Oh yeah the church can't open their mouth without sticking their foot in it either! They are the biggest judges of all!

I guess the thing that hurts me the most is none of you stand up and defend your dad. When you hear some parrot (someone who repeats everything they hear) make a statement like if your dad would stop giving all his money to ___ he could buy you some shoes. They have NEVER met me! They do not have a clue who I am! It would be nice if ONE time one of you would say wait a minute!! You do not know my dad! How can you say that! Then just walk out. Leave! No you stand there and do not say a thing and by that you in essence are agreeing with them.

Respect is wanting your parents BOTH OF THEM to be happy. See your mom and I are both your parents. Do you know even I know how to change a diaper? I changed many of them over the years. Oh there is no question when you were small she spent the most time with you while I made a living to pay for all the things you got to do but that was all a part of raising a family.

You tell me oh dad we miss you so much. Excuse me?!!!! I am not buying that line! You know right where I am. You have my phone number and I think each of you has been to my house now. No, you do not miss me. You do not want me in your life because I have chosen to be happy.

Let me tell you what happy is. Happy is being with a person that really wants to do things with me. Happy is a person that will get in the car ride 100 miles west of town to just stop in a town that has 2 people living there to look around and eat lunch just because I said come on lets take a ride 100 miles west of town. I ate the first and only buffalo burger I have ever had that day! It was great! It's a day I will never forget for the rest of my life. Do you know why? Because she did not have to go she wanted to. It's a lady that goes to see her mom and when she gets to Austin makes the effort to buy one of you a tee shirt just because she likes you. Yeah she really does like you and you still ignore her. I have a Texas shirt in my closet right now that she bought one of you for Christmas A FREAK-IN YEAR AGO and she had never even met you!! She did it because she loves me and wanted you to have it!! Screw it the shirt is awesome and I am going to wear it this spring!! If you kids had acted like you were taught you would have given her a chance and I promise you would have been glad you did. Not for the gifts she gives but for the fact that she makes your father the most happy man in the world. That kids is what you were taught I am sorry you have chosen not to live by it. The church told you and me that my happiness did not matter to God. How stupid a statement is that? How happy they asked will you be when you loose your children. I have news for you church! It's obvious by their actions I never REALLY had them so take your righteous bull crap and tell to someone else!

I do want to say to one of you thank you! Thank you from the bottom of my heart! You are an amazing young lady who shows her dad each and every day how much you love and RESPECT me! You are the only adult of the group. You have welcomed the lady in my life with open arms and trust me she LOVES you for that! She wants nothing but the best for you and she is so happy to know you!

Respect also means asking for forgiveness. You see some of what you have done I did to over the Christmas break. I ignored the ONE PERSON that truly makes me happy and I LOVE like crazy! Because I tried one more time to hold on to something I did not have I hurt the one person I would never on purpose hurt. It's effecting me in ways you will never know kids. I have asked for forgiveness. She has forgiven me for that and I will be grateful for the rest of my life.