What I Believe

I want to say something here that's taken me a lifetime to come to. I have written 2 post's about looking in the mirror so to speak. Here is something in which I have looked at my very soul to discover. In the last year and a half I have really done not only a double take in the mirror I have done some "soul searching" as well. I have read the WHOLE Bible cover to cover. I do believe that there is a higher power but in my mind the Bible is a book of stories made up by man.

Since I was a small child I questioned in my mind stories such as Noah and the ark. Would a loving God really flood the whole earth because "he" was pissed off at the people? Would "he" really send the soul of billions to an "eternity" of burning fire? What about the people that never heard of christ? I was told those people knew within their soul about the saving power. The 6 year old that dies? They are not at the age of accountability I was told. Their was an answer for every question. What about really good people in each of our lives who did not go the same Baptist church I went to and never accepted christ as their saviour? I was told each week that their souls were doomed for that fire. I simply could not buy it any longer.

It was not until I stepped back and really examined my very soul that I truly saw the light. I quoted some versus in my last post. There are some wonderful things in which I do believe are awesome examples of the way we should live. Those versus were just one of those. There are many other example as well. Be kind to one another. Love your brother as yourself. All of these are of real value.

I looked at how my church reacted when I left home. I was attacked in a way that NOBODY should be. In a way that was ANYTHING but christ like. I was told that my happiness did not matter to god I had made a vow when I was a 19 years old and I had broken that vow I should come before my family beg for their forgiveness and come back to the "flock" Beg for their forgiveness for what trying to find my happiness? They had a "pray for Steve" meeting which was attended by each of my children that I was told by 2 of them lasted 3 hours. In this meeting they were told some outright lies which I had hard physical evidence to show just was not true. Oh the preacher boys that lead this meeting were just eating it up. Telling them how really screwed up their father was. Let me tell you who did the "christ like" thing here. I talked to my lawyer and was told I had case to sue the living hell out of these people.but did I do that? No, I took the high road and just sat back and let them have their fun. They had shown their TRUE colors.

Having said this I do believe there is a higher power. A God. This universe screams of it. Oh I do think this higher power created it via evolution and in ways in which man will never know. I do think this higher power speaks to us in ways we will never know. Many many scientists in which my church would say are headed for hell believe in this higher power as well. They have spent their entire lives using the brain they were given to just come to some conclusion on how this higher power did it. I have at times in my life when I least expected it heard this quite still voice and without question knew it was "God". It's just not the god that man made up. See they had to put god on our level. In their minds we were created in "his" image. What about women? Do they really want me to believe that this god came to earth via a virgin birth and never did one thing wrong in 33 years? No this was made up just to make some men feel better about themselves.

Like I said it has taken some real soul searching for me to come to where I am today. For the first time ever I feel more free than ever before. I can look at thing now with an open mind for the first time ever. Sometimes asking the question is the start to something very good.

I know this post is not well put together. I went to sleep with a real burden on my mind at midnight and tossed and turned until 5am when I just could not do it any longer so here you have it. Maybe soon I will continue this because I really do have much more I could add. I am just like everyone else if they are honest. I have my faults. I have many of them. Throughout my life I have made mistakes and I am sure will make more. None of us are perfect. I guess I am just honest enough or maybe it's that I am really stupid enough just to put what I believe out there for everyone to see. Maybe I can be honest enough to say "you know I have grown as a person enough to know just what I believe now even if through the years it's not the same. Maybe I am not so closed minded that I can still learn.What could be wrong with that? I was told a while back that "I am not going to tell you that you are a good person" That was fine I do not need someone who does not care one thing about me to tell me that. I understand there are many things that are just to personal to post on some stupid blog but I am proud of who I am. Even though I have a long way to go and many things still yet to learn.

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I thought I'd give it a try. I am making some good things happen. When I got dressed I am now able to wear my old jeans!! I have lost two pant sizes in the last couple of months. At least some things in my life are going well.